


Whatever It Takes

by onepieceofharry



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-09
Updated: 2018-02-09
Packaged: 2019-03-15 22:21:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,440
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13622706
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/onepieceofharry/pseuds/onepieceofharry
Summary: Based on this prompt: steve has the option to go back to the 40s to save bucky but he could never return to the future and sam's not alllowed there due to time paradox etc. Will steve takes it?





	Whatever It Takes

Bucky doesn’t speak now.

It’s been seven weeks since they brought him home, and his silence is both a blessing and a curse. He doesn’t wake up with _“ready to comply”_ on the tip of his tongue, but he also doesn’t crack jokes the way he used to, doesn’t heckle Steve the way he used to, doesn’t do _anything_. He just sits there, with the winter soldier’s impassive stare; waiting. 

Just the thought of what he’s had to wait for the last few decades makes Steve’s heart feel like it’s slowly being crushed.

Sam…makes it better.

Meeting Sam was the best thing to ever happen to him. He listens, he understands, and he’s so goddamn gorgeous Steve can barely take his eyes off him. 

He fills the silence left by his once best friend, he tease and talks sports and drinks with Steve even though he’s the only one who can get drunk. He’s everything Steve never knew he wanted, but exactly what he needs.

Steve loves him, and Sam loves him back. Even going through the hell he’s going through, going through on behalf of his best friend, there is happiness. There is love. 

***

When Bucky has nightmares there’s no screaming, that has long been conditioned out of him. Instead he sits there in silence and feels the terror, the oppression, the loss on control so complete that a single flinch would be punished. Steve watches through the security cameras placed in Buck’s room - it alerts him when his heart rate rises - and debates whether or not to intervene. He needs his sleep. He hasn’t been sleeping. But-

“Steve.”

Steve jumps at the hand on his shoulder before relaxing into the warmth, Sam’s hand settling lower to rub soothing circles on his back. “Another nightmare?”

He nods, spinning in the chair to face his boyfriend. Sam takes advantage and slides onto his lap, wrapping arms around his neck and bringing their bodies together for a comforting embrace.

Steve sighs, the tensions draining from him as he brings his arms up to return the hug. “I’m sorry if I woke you.”

Sam pulls back to glare at him, calling him an idiot with his eyes just like Bucky used to.

Steve’s lips twitch. “I know.”

Sam snorts. “Well as long as you know.”

***

Steve should have woken Bucky up. 

Hydra can condition him in every single way except for the most basic. That, they can’t change.

Bucky’s in the shower rinsing himself off while Steve changes the sheets, the strong smell of urine not being the reason for the pricks of moisture in Steve’s eyes. 

While Steve had curled up with his lover his best friend was lying in his own filth. 

***

“Is he always like this?”

Steve, in full Captain America garb glares at the magic doctor they’d invited to the compound. Strange is powerful, but tactless and eccentric in a way that sets Steve’s teeth on edge. 

“You’d be like this too if hydra but your mind through a meat grinder.” 

Steve rubs his temples at Clint’s complete and enduring lack of tact while Sam takes the direct approach and kicks him under the table.

Ignoring the squeal, Doctor Strange presses on. “He was a prisoner of hydra?” He asks, gesturing to Bucky’s still form standing sentry at the briefing room door. “For how long?”

Lip curled just a bit, Steve replies. “Decades.”

At once, everyone in the room looks at Bucky. He’s the picture of defeat. Tense and ready to kill, but radiating a misery so strong it dries up Steve’s throat and makes his fists clench.

“Back to the mission.”

***

“What am I going to do Sam?”

Sam grabs him by the shoulder and looks him directly in the eye. “Whatever it takes.”

***

It only takes three days for Strange to approach him.

“I’m sorry?”

“You can go back Captain, to before your friend became hydra’s pawn.”

A hope he never realized had died comes back so violently Steve stops breathing.

***

There’s a catch. There’s always a catch.

Steve rolls the cheap beer around in the glass and begs God to take this decision away from him.

“Steve.”

Sam pulls up a chair across from him, the kitchen deserted save the two of them and Bucky, standing still and silent in the corner of the room.

“What’s going on.”

His brown eyes are soft, concerned, but determined and god Steve _loves_ him so much. He hated this time, held such contempt for the lights and the noise and the hubris but he learned to love it through Sam. The world grew brighter and he finally found himself again, someone beyond Captain America. 

Steve wants to stay, wants to forget Strange altogether and build a life with Sam without ever talking about a chance that once was.

But he would never lie to Sam, not even by omission.

So he tells him everything.

It’s amazing, how the hope on behalf of his best friend makes Steve love him more. Of course, he ruins it with the next few words out of his mouth.

“I can’t come with you?”

Steve shakes his head and then suddenly he’s crying, great heaving sobs as the weight of the world crashes down on him. Sam’s frozen on the kitchen chair, processing. He’s sitting, and then with the decisiveness of a soldier, no, a superhero, he jumps up and over the table, falling beside his lover and cupping his face. 

“You know what you have to do.”

Steve shakes his head and coughs around his tears, blinking quickly to get rid of the blur.

“No Steve.”

Sam’s voice is resolute, commanding but not unkind. Bucky’s still in the corner, not reacting. Never reacting. 

“I would do a lot to keep you Steve, but I would never risk an innocent’s life. Whatever Bucky is to you, to me he’s just a man who’s been through too much and I would never pit my happiness against-” he hesitates, “against his _sanity_. You have to do this.”

And all Steve could do was cry.

***

That night Steve wraps himself up in Sam’s arms and gives him everything he has to give. They pretend like everything’s okay, that they’ll have tomorrow and the next day and the next. They giggle like kids and fall into each other like they never have before, letting old dreams out and sharing as many frivolous details about their lives as they could. 

“Peanut butter is my favorite and nutella is disgusting.”

“I know, Nat made those peanut butter cookies and it was all you could talk about.”

“Well she shouldn’t have made those cookies so delicious!”

“So the cookies being delicious means we had to suffer through a speech about the oil content in nutella?”

“It’s ridiculous Steve! You think I can keep this physique eating that bullshit?”

“Doesn’t peanut butter also have a high oil content-”

“Shut up Steve! Peanut butter is delicious!”

“If the internet has taught me anything then nutella is apparently also delicious.”

“Then I guess we’re going to disagree on bacon too.”

Steve doesn’t know how that conversation led to making love but it did.

***

“Ready?”

Steve shakes his head but approaches Strange anyways. 

They’re outside the compound, just Strange along with Sam and himself. Hilariously, it’s raining, and Steve wants to roll his eyes but just can’t muster the energy. Sam is at his back, his only support and a crutch he desperately needs. Strange is shifting uncomfortably and that alone improves his opinion of him.

This is it.

“I love you.” Sam says and pulls him down for a kiss.

Their last kiss.

Sam pulls away and licks his lips. “Steve, it’s going to be okay.”

Steve’s throat is so dry he can’t even reply.

“And…you could have another chance with Peggy-”

“Sam - don’t.” He croaks, crying again because he can’t catch a break.

Sam gives him a sad smile and kisses his forehead. “You’re gonna be okay Steve.”

Steve shakes his head but doesn’t argue. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

And then he’s gone.

***

Sam Wilson is distinguished. He keeps up with his cardio and helps veterans get back on their feet. He lives his life trying to make Riley proud, and he thinks he accomplished it.

But…there’s something missing.

He doesn’t know what it is, but it’s been with him his whole life. A longing. A piece missing. Maybe that’s why he joined the military. Maybe not. But he feels it.

So why in the _fuck_ does that feeling suddenly go away with the slightly older blond Adonis passing him on his jog.

"On your left."


End file.
